Archive for marriage counseling

Attachment Theory

Attachment TheoryI want­ed to share this arti­cle on Attachment Theory and its sig­nif­i­cance to adult rela­tion­ships. It’s impor­tant to under­stand how the rela­tion­ship you have with your par­ents as a child affects your abil­i­ty to be in a healthy rela­tion­ship later.

A secure attach­ment changes the way a baby sees the world because they learn that they’re not alone,” author Sue Johnson says. “Adults are the same. A sense of con­nec­tion changes one of the most basic ele­ments of the brain, which is how you per­ceive threat. It changes the world into a safer world.”

Clinical Psychologist Sue Johnson is the author of Love Sense: The Revolutionary New Science of Romantic Relationships.

Check out Relationships First for more arti­cles on build­ing healthy relationships.

What Couples Who Stay Together Do Differently from Couples Who Don’t

Open and Honest Communication

What Couples Who Stay Together Do Differently

  • Talk and con­nect every day
  • Practice lis­ten­ing with the intent to understand
  • Work at under­stand­ing their partner’s world
  • Show respect rather than contempt
  • Assume their part­ner has a legit­i­mate point of view
  • Ask them­selves, “Do you want to be right, or do you want to happy?”

Everyday Demonstration of Caring Behaviors

Find out their partner’s “love lan­guage” and which of the fol­low­ing he/she needs to feel loved, then prac­tice doing them.

  • Words of affirmation
  • Spending qual­i­ty time
  • Doing acts of service
  • Giving phys­i­cal touch
  • Giving gifts

Ask their partner: 

What is one thing I could do dif­fer­ent­ly that would make the biggest dif­fer­ence to you?”

Tell their partner:

Something that would make me hap­py is…”