Archive for Self-Worth

10 Hot Tips for Surviving (and Enjoying) Being Single on Valentine’s Day

Pink rose in the shape of a heart to represent Keeping Love Alive relationship workshop

If you are recent­ly divorced, not in a sig­nif­i­cant love rela­tion­ship, or have been sin­gle for a while, Valentine’s Day may bring up feel­ings of lone­li­ness, empti­ness, and feel­ings of self-doubt.

If this is your expe­ri­ence, you are cer­tain­ly not alone. Honoring these feel­ings and avoid­ing activ­i­ties that trig­ger them is impor­tant. The good news is there is anoth­er way to look at this day ded­i­cat­ed to love that can give you a whole new per­spec­tive.

Here are some tips for enjoying Valentine’s Day as a single person:

  1. Don’t com­pare your­self to oth­ers who are cou­pled up. Just because a cou­ple is out cel­e­brat­ing doesn’t mean they are expe­ri­enc­ing the “bliss” of romance on Valentine’s Day. They may be expe­ri­enc­ing as much dis­ap­point­ment as you for dif­fer­ent rea­sons.
  1. Catch up on past friend­ships. Go out with a friend of your choice, com­mis­er­ate, eat, drink, and do what­ev­er you want.
  1. This year, you get to dress for your­self. Wear your most out­ra­geous or most casu­al out­fit.
  1. Have a par­ty with oth­er sin­gles or look for com­mu­ni­ty gath­er­ings. There are many activ­i­ties list­ed in the news­pa­per and online.
  1. Take a dance les­son or go danc­ing. It’s a great way to meet oth­ers, revive your mind and body, get in touch with your sen­su­al­i­ty, and just have fun.
  1. Honor your own feel­ings in ways oth­ers may not have. Let your­self feel how­ev­er you do and not have to jus­ti­fy them to any­one.
  1. Stay home and watch a great DVD of your choice with­out hav­ing to check to see if some­one else likes or has seen it.
  1. Get out of your head and into your heart by vol­un­teer­ing. There is a huge drop off in vol­un­teers, but not of those in need, after the hol­i­days. Soup kitchens and oth­er orga­ni­za­tions still need your help.
  1. Devote the time, car­ing, and mon­ey you might oth­er­wise spend on some­one else on your­self. Buy your­self gourmet choco­lates of your choice, get a mas­sage, take a bub­ble bath, go for a walk in nature, or go to the coast alone or with a friend, whichev­er makes you feel good.
  1. Rediscover and spend the day with the hottest, smartest, and most inter­est­ing per­son you know — you!

See Rebuilding When Your Relationship Ends for details on my sup­port group.

Positive Parenting Messages

Father and Child

As a child, we learn what oth­ers think of us by the things they say and do. We inter­pret these mes­sages to mean some­thing and apply these mean­ings to our­selves. They then become a part of our self-concept.

Positive Mother Messages

  • I want you.
  • I love you.
  • I’ll take care of you.
  • You can trust me.
  • It’s not what you do but who you are that I love.
  • You are spe­cial to me.
  • I love you, and I give you per­mis­sion to be dif­fer­ent from me.
  • Sometimes I tell you “no,” and that’s because I love you.
  • You can trust your inner voice.
  • You don’t have to be afraid any­more.

Positive Father Messages

  • I love you.
  • I have con­fi­dence in you.
  • I will set lim­its and enforce them.
  • If you fall down, I will pick you up.
  • You are spe­cial to me. I am proud of you.
  • (For girls) You are beau­ti­ful, and I give you per­mis­sion to be a sex­u­al being.
  • (For boys) I give you per­mis­sion to be the same as I am, to be more than I am, and to be less than I am.